Well it was not such a good day for me. Climbing was a very tedious thing today. We have all had days where we feel anxious on route or we are scared of falling. It was that day for me and I have not felt like this for a long while. I have been on this trip for about five days now and the three days I have climbed, I have felt very anxious and insecure about my ability.
If I stop and think about it for a little while and really assess the situation clearly and without judgement, I come up with the following rational:
- I have a good skill set.
- I understand the risks involved and take accountability for my actions
- I have good focus and process
- I know when I am at my limit and am happy to push through this.
- I commit.
At this moment I am full of self-doubt and fear. This is not my normal way and I am hard on myself when I am like this; I am very hard on myself anyway.
Today I did not trust myself and my skill set to get me through the routes I was climbing. I did four easy routes as my anxiety was a little high this morning and I thought, just go have fun! There are certain things that cause us disappointment but the big one is our own expectations and living up to them. Before I even arrived I had resigned myself to a few days of easy climbing just to get into the swing of things. This I feel is what has thwarted me to this point.
I realise that I need to simply do what I do……….and that is not to take it easy, it’s just not how I do things. I have to be honest and say that it also gives me an excuse to not perform and excel at what I do. Knowing this and owning it are two very separate things and there is only one way to deal with it. Don’t get angry, don’t get intense, don’t get super serious…………just simply get ready to have fun and commit.
Pick a project for the next climbing day and go through the following in your mind.
- Visualise the route in your head. If you have looked at it before, try and remember the type of holds.
- Visualise yourself beginning to climb the route.
- Be honest about your ability climb through the crux and visualise the clean movement required.
- Assess the risks involved with climbing your project.
- Assess what you want to communicate to your belayer.
- Commit to yourself and to completing your project.
I would like to thank some people for the support throughout the day both at the crag and at home (as such). Thanks K for your absolute commitment to hearing my woes and being so incredibly positive and keeping the faith. Vincent for a great belay and vote of confidence and Tracey for her continued support and understanding. You are seriously “Good Humans”.
Climb hard, laugh lots and have fun 🙂